Diagnosis: Inbalance, inbalance, inbalance

The other day a Naturopath told me what the medical doctors could not. My miscarriages were due to an inbalance in my digestive system which has effected my immune and hormonal system. Knowing that there are things I can do to create balance and wellness in my body again does not take away the pain that I felt with the loss of two unborn children, but it does help bring closure.

I couldn't have known that my system was so out of whack -- well, actually, I sort of did, now that I think about it. Suffering from insomnia and fatigue for years, crashing and "burning out" once a year, and constant stomack aches and cramps were all symptoms of something that I couldn't put my finger on.

Next month my naturopath will give me a new diet and recommendations to bring my system back into balance.

The first step this month is to get me sleeping regularily and to begin to get my digestive system working the way its supposed to ie. absorb nutrients -- release toxins.

I'll let you know how it goes.

I love to meditate

Last night, my daughter and I attended a 19-Day Feast at our friend’s home. A 19 Day Feast is a time when Baha’is get together to pray, consult about current events, and enjoy refreshments together. By far, my favourite part of Feast is the prayer portion. I realize that my love for meditation was discovered when attending Feasts as a child. The first time I remember meditating and seeing others meditate was at a Feast when I was about 10 years old. During the prayer portion, I remember looking around the living room and seeing the 20 or so adults sitting on couches and chairs and on the floor. They were all still, had their hands folded in front of their chests, or resting motionlessly on their laps. One person would read prayers from a Baha’i prayer book, or recite a prayer by heart, while the others listened with their eyes closed. There would be silence after the prayer and then another would pray followed by more silence. I noticed how still everyone was and I tried to mimic it. I noticed how quiet the room was. Nothing could be heard but the words of God. There was such a beauty in that stillness. Even today as I reflect on those moments so long ago, I can sense the power of the stillness in those gatherings. Today as I start out on my day, I am grateful for the bounty of participating in Feast last night and can still feel the echoes of calm that it brought to my soul.

Musings about winter and faith

The song in my heart as I awake to my day today is about faith. Wintertime always seems to have that effect on me. I reflect on the way that all of nature rests in winter, grass stops growing beneath the blanket of snow, trees stand bare and still without their leaves, many animals hibernate and flower bulbs lie dormant waiting for the spring sun. All of nature rests, waiting in faith for the season of sun to awaken them all from their sleep.

One of my all time favourite songs is the Rose by Bette Midler. There is one verse that goes... "When the night has been too lonely, and the road has been too long, and you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong, just remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snows, lies the seed that with the sun's love, in the spring becomes the rose." I love that song. I love the idea of hope and faith that there are seeds of potential within us that in time will blossom into great beauty. Mighty snow falls upon us but we do not rest. The urgency to soar weighs heavy on our chest. Not avalanche, or floods, nor heavy winds prevent Rising powers of strength within us, heaven bent.

8 Things To Do With Kids On A Cold Saturday

8 Things to Do with your Kids on a Cold Saturday -Make paper snowflakes and hang them from the windows -Make cookies -If there's snow, go tobogganing -Ice Skating at a local arena -Visit the Library -Go for Car Ride (yeah gas has dropped!) -Write a letter or make a card for a relative and send it in the mail -Videotape your kids playing or doing something silly Saturdays have been family fun days for our family ever since I came across the concept from Flylady. I go through the week so engrossed in work and housekeeping that I don't always get to spend as much time as I'd like with my daughter. So now I make sure that on Saturdays we do something fun and memorable. Today I'm taking my kiddo to gymnastics and then we are going to the Nineteen Day Feast in the evening (This event is for Baha'is to get together to pray, consult, and eat -- a very nice way to spend an evening for us :) ) Last year, we spent many wintery Saturdays at the Ridgeway arena as Grace learned to skate for the first time. She was 2 1/2 and wore little trainer skates, the kind that strap on. She was really adorable all bundled up in her snowsuit waddling across the ice. When she saw the snow yesterday she asked me if we could go skating and she said "Don't you remember along time ago when we used to go skating? We can go again."So I guess it works. Family Fun Days do make for good memories! :)

no nobler deed than education of children

no nobler deed than education of children O ye loving mothers, know ye that in God's sight, the best of all ways to worship Him is to educate the children and train them in all the perfections of humankind; and no nobler deed than this can be imagined.(Abdu'l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of Abdu'l-Baha, p. 138) Today I am filled with gratitude at my fortune of being a mother. This above quote brings me a sense of inspiration and purpose that even though being a loving and educative mother is not easy, striving to train my daughter in the perfections of humankind fulfills me in a way no other job could. This quote mentions God. My belief is that God is the Higher Power, the Creator, the Divine Maker of the Universe. God is Unknowable to us little humans, the same way that a painting cannot know its painter. God is Love. There is only One God. All religions come from One God. All people are created by One God. Worshipping God, I believe, is not only for Sundays in the church pews. When we use our talents, skills and capacities to help others, when we work in a spirit of service, this too is worshipping God. As mothers, whatever our belief system is, whatever our belief in God is, we still have a noble purpose of raising our children to be the best that they can be. When we dedicate ourselves to training our children in the perfections of humankind we are contributing to the betterment of the world. Today, I wish to acknowledge all you other mothers out there, sacrificing your time and energy to your kids. And I say "Cheers!" to you all. :)

What is in a name?

It was Shakespeare who asked so long ago, "Would a rose by any other name smell as sweet?" My answer would be no. I'll tell you why. Perry is the family name on my maternal side. It was the maiden name of my beloved great-grandmother Mary Aird. The woman who raised my own mother and four other children despite having a hearing impairment. Mary taught my mother perseverance and unconditional love. And she is missed by all her family. Going back a few generations, the Perry family was one of the six founding families that came from France to Prince Edward Island. They were Poirer then. Mary's father Anglosized the name to Perry. Joining together Perry and Pellegrini is very meaningful and acknowledges my side of the family as well as my husbands. For the first time it feels as though I have a name that I can identify with that has meaning for me.

A Poem After Two Miscarriages

My heart is heavy again,

I say to a friend,

One day I was happily pregnant,

Then that little baby did ascend.

Like the autumn trees around me,

sheding the leaves that fall,

My body released that baby,

But I wasn't prepared at all.

Now my tears fall unstopping,

the hurt is too big to contain,

My tears fall unstopping,

Like a warm autumn rain.

Two babies now wait for me,

In that divine next world,

I miss them though I never held them,

My little boy and girl.

In June I lost Elijah,

and my heart broke in two.

On Nov. 5th, I lost Mary,

Two children I never knew.

How did this story become mine?

Two babies I'll never hold.

The meaning, they say is divine,

There's a reason I am told.

The night has fallen around me,

But my weeping heart won't rest.

How can I chose to sleep,

With this weight upon my chest?

The Tree of Grace is high and wide,

Our family's love is strong.

God's gift is in the moment,

In the hope of my heart's song.

This dark night embraces me,

But soon the sun will dawn,

Bringing hope of brighter tomorrows,

In the hope of my heart's song.